When last we saw Larry David on his classic television show Curb Your Enthusiasm several years ago he was wandering the streets of Paris with good friend Leon.  Even in another language, Larry's famous social maladroitness was operating at full throttle, manifesting itself in a manner that was as always, tres magnifique! And then the scene faded out and Larry David faded away.  

And since then, I've been desperately seeking Larry!   


Larry David as depicted in Curb Your Enthusiasm is a Jewish gift to the world.  He's a super wealthy guy who can't figure out how much tip to leave on a deli sandwich. He rubs shoulders with Mel Brooks and Michael J. Fox but can't hold a two minute conversation with the pool boy without near international incident. He once had a beautiful loving wife but so bombed the relationship the only thing missing was nuclear fallout.

Larry is a rich, successful guy who screws up worse than we do.  And watching him make a bigger idiot out of himself than we ever could makes us feel lots better about ourselves! 

True Larry’s been on Broadway lately, but that doesn’t make him accessible to most of us. Comes Sunday night and I flick on HBO and Larry is missing in action.  Sure Game of Thrones is great, but where are all the neurotic Jewish people?

What about watching some other comedies, you ask?  That would be fine were there Two and a Half Larrys, Saturday Night Larry, or America's Got Larry.  But no such shows exist, leaving me --- you guessed it --- desperately seeking Larry.

So how about you, friend?  Are you too desperately seeking Larry?

Top Ten Signs You Are Desperately Seeking Larry

1) Whenever anyone asks how you're doing, you invariably say "Pret-tay, Pret-tay Good!" even if you are in fact doing "Pret-tay, Pret-tay Lousy!" 


2) Seriously considering naming your next child "Marty Funkhouser" or at the very least nicknaming him or her "The Funk."


3) Just launched a drive to have Larry replace Ben Affleck as the next Batman.


4) If only you didn't have such a thick bushy head of hair!


5) Constantly hum the theme to Curb at inappropriate times and places such as when proposing marriage, during parent-teacher conferences, or at your inauguration as President of the United States. 


6) Purposefully own a black cat so you can pretend it's Richard Lewis.


7) Whenever you suspect someone of lying, you stare at the person while tilting your head back and forth and somehow that insinuating quizzical Curb music actually plays!


8) You've retained Jeff Green as your agent even though you're a certified public accountant.


9) You refuse to return actress Cheryl Hines' adoring phone calls because how dare she dump Larry!?


10) So what did you think of this top ten list?  Well, to put it bluntly, even the Seinfeld finale was better!


******


And so, Larry David, here we all are, each of us awaiting your return.  Please hurry back so we need desperately seek you no longer.   You see, you're our social safety net. 

Without you around, whenever we mess up, we mess up alone. 

Perry Block is a writer, humorist, and human resources professional who lives in Havertown PA, just outside of Philadelphia.

In his humor blog , Perry Block: Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute (www.perryblock.com), Perry chronicles the world through the eyes of one Baby Boomer warily poised on the cusp of an age he thought was exclusively reserved for people's parents. It also features parody, satire, and anything else you want.

You can also find Perry on Twitter at @PerryBlock, Facebook, Google+, and whatever other internet sites he’s able to find an “Idiot’s Guide to.”