Each year, the Maryland Department of Natural Resources publishes an educational brochure directed towards children titled “The Maryland Bay Game”.

 Often, the pamphlet contains interesting information regarding the state's geography and natural resources.

 Some of the content, however, is outright environmental propaganda.

 For example, there is one activity consisting of a maze titled “Scoop The Poop”.

 The text admonishes that, by scooping the poop of the 1.3 million dogs estimated to reside in the state, residents of the New Order are playing their role in removing harmful nutrients and bacteria from entering local waterways.

 While picking up after Fido might make things more healthy and pleasant for human beings, such an activity can't possibly do as much to restore the Chesapeake as this dinky tractate leads one to believe..

 A proverbial aphorism questions “Does a bear take a you-know-what in the woods?”

 The title of a book boldly proclaims “Everybody Poops”.

 Are these activists going to insist that the digestive effluent of these particular creatures is appreciably different than what is grunted out of the backside of the average household canine?

 Unlike most dogs, fish living in the bay just let it rip right there in the bay.

 Some of these animals, not unlike many a Redneck, probably consider roadkill fine dining.

 One of the goals of bay restoration is to increase the number of animal species depleted by man (especially Whites aspiring to live a lifestyle above that of prancing through the woods 3/4's naked in a loin cloth procuring whatever nuts and berries one can happen to scrounge).

 But if increasing the number of animals that live in, around, and above the Bay also increases the amount of #1 and #2 flowing into these sacred waters, then why doesn't it become our obligation to exterminate these creatures as quickly and as thoroughly as possible?

 By Frederick Meekins