Do you know that close to 78 million users of smart phones have sent a sexy text message, called sexting, at some point? That’s what the latest research from the Pew Report and the McAfee report is telling us. The Pew Report defines sexting as “sending sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude photos and videos via cell phone.” The most active adults range in age from 25 to 34 years old, according to the Salon article, We Are All Sexters Now

The numbers of people engaging in sexting has risen since 2012, moving beyond the teen demographic into mainstream culture. Maybe this isn’t a bad thing, if users are taking precautions. Research showed that “married and partnered adults are just as likely as those not in a relationship to say they have sent sexts; single adults are more likely to report receiving and forwarding such images or videos” (emphasis is mine). 

I view sexting more broadly to include sending sexy messages that do not necessarily include images. And for that reason, sexting can be a great tool to add some spice to your sex life—married or otherwise.

Let’s look at some precautions first:

  • Remember that once you’ve hit send you have no control over what happens next. You won’t know if your sexy boudoir photo has been shared with his/her best friend or posted on a public website. As emphasized in the bolded text above roughly 3% of adults forward images they receive, though I suspect that is mostly young adult users. 
  • Why are you sending an image or text?  If you’re dating but haven’t had sex yet will sending provocative images convey the wrong message?  
  • It is the recipient’s job to protect content on his or her phone but you also might be ‘caught’ if the wrong person sees your message. If I want to send a text, I check to make sure it’s safe for me to continue. 
  • Be sensitive to your partner’s preference for language. If you use words that your partner finds offensive you may do more harm than good.
  • Make sure you’ve texting the right person. Before hitting the send button take a second to confirm the phone number or email address you’re using.
  • If you use Mac products, did you know that newer iPads have text messaging which is connected to your phone account?  That text can show up on your iPad when your adult son is using it! Photos shared on the iCloud will show up on all your devices.  
  • If you’re texting or sexting with a person you know, it’s much easier to gauge what will work and what might offend. Sexting is best saved for later in a relationship. If you’ve just gone out on the first date it’s too early to send a sexy text message or photo.

Sexting Adds Spark to a Relationship

Sexting is a great tool for creating a little sexual tension or excitement in a relationship. If you’ve planned a date night, send your date a few sexy thoughts during the day. For example, he’s coming over for a drink after work—send him, “Sultry or demure? Your choice.” You can craft a message to create any mood you want. 

Read this next: How We Define Normal When We Talk About Sexuality

If the idea of sexting feels awkward, then take it slow. 

Need some ideas on what to write?

  • Getting out the candles for a quiet, sexy dinner tonight
  • Thinking about the touch of your lips on my skin
  • White lace! (works for me—evoking a specific piece of lingerie)
  • Tell me how much you want me.
  • Don’t forget the condoms—and bring more than one. 
  • Feeling aroused just thinking of tonight.

See what you can do with words? So much of sexual desire, particularly for women, is about getting in the right frame of mind. Use words to your advantage. Sending a text and getting an eager reply is just another way to enhance your mental and physical arousal. And his.  

Have you ever sent a sexy text message? Want to share your story? 


Walker Thornton is a writer, sex educator and public speaker, with a Masters in Educational Psychology and over 10 years experience in the field of sexual violence against women. She is a strong advocate for midlife women’s sexuality, encouraging women to ‘step into their desire’. ranked her blog,, #17 in their top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013. Walker is the Sexual Health columnist for Midlife Boulevard and writes about sex and the older adult for You can connect with her on her website ( ), Facebook ( )  Twitter  (  and Google+ ( ).