What are you stirring up this Halloween? What if the ability to create more magic in the bedroom was at your fingertips? What if you could summons up hotter, more satisfying sex? 

No, this isn’t an ad pitch for a medication or cream or some gimmicky product. Finding that sexy sizzle is all about you and your desire to have a more fulfilling more passionate sex life. 

For most women sexual desire starts in the brain. And, it might be said that men too benefit from thinking about sex and taking steps to create the right environment and mood. You don’t really need tools or toys, an instruction manual, or the exact moment on satin sheets for everything to fall magically into place. 

Women have the basic equipment to experience pleasure and if desired, orgasms. But it does take work, both mental and physical, to create sexual desire. 

It starts with: 

A pinch of excitement—a sexy book, fantasy thinking

A splash of lube—lubrication makes everything glide along, providing a more luxurious feel to sexual touch. 

 A dash of sexy thinking

Three exploring fingers

Soft flickering candle light

And… a puff of smoke

Good sex, however you choose to define it, begins by thinking about what you want. For women, this means spending time actively thinking about sex, your body, your erogenous zones, how you like to be touched, and what you want to say to your lover. 

Read this next: Sexting as a Relationship Tool to Spark Desire

It may take practice! If you want better sexual experiences you need to get better acquainted with your body. Where do you enjoy being stroked? What kinds of clitoral touch do you prefer—soft and steady, a little harder and erratic, a constant pressure? Do you need indirect touch or directly on the head of your clitoris? Do your nipples respond to touch? 

If you can’t answer any of those questions then it’s doubtful your partner can either—unless he or she is gifted with magical powers.  You might want to spend some time exploring your own body.  Plan a few private sessions when you won’t be disturbed, bring along the lube and find a cozy place to play. That’s all you need. A little mood music if that suits you. The goal is not necessarily to achieve orgasm; you want to learn your body’s arousal patterns, create and recognize feelings of desire. 

There is no perfect time; there is no perfect sex. What you want to cultivate is a willingness to give and receive pleasure, based on a personal knowledge of what turns you on. And openness to your partner’s desire to please you as well. 

What are you waiting for? This season of tricks and treats is waiting for you to bring on the goodies! 

 

Walker Thornton is a writer, sex educator and public speaker, with a Masters in Educational Psychology and over 10 years experience in the field of sexual violence against women. She is a strong advocate for midlife women’s sexuality, encouraging women to ‘step into their desire’. Kinkly.com ranked her blog, WalkerThornton.com, #17 in their top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013. Walker is the Sexual Health columnist for Midlife Boulevard and writes about sex and the older adult for Kinkly.com. You can connect with her on her website (www.walkerthornton.com ), Facebook (https://facebook.com/AWomansPage )  Twitter  (http://twitter.com/WalkerThornton)  and Google+ (https://plus.google.com/u/0/+WalkerThornton/posts ).