If you’re a Boomer, and you know any single Boomers who are female, then you’ve heard this comment, “Where are all the good men?” Or sometimes it’s, “Why is it so hard to find a great single guy?” It can sometimes seem as though there’s a magic secret to finding love—and a lot of us don’t know what it is.
When it comes to finding love, it’s a well-documented fact that there are fewer single men of Baby Boomer age or older than there are single women. But men often have the same lament about women. “I’ve been looking everywhere, but I can’t seem to find an eligible woman that I want to date.” If there is a secret to finding love, it seems that men don’t know it, either.
These questions and laments about not being able to find quality Boomer singles are all based upon the myth that eligible, attractive, ready-for-a commitment single men (and women) are in short supply—as if they were an endangered species.
I tried to lay the myth of “there aren’t any good singles out there in my age group” to rest on page one of my book, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet: One Man’s Brave Adventure into Dating Again in the 21st Century. I cited U.S. Census data that shows there are 30.8 million single Americans between the ages of 40 and 64.
So the truth is that there are good single men and there are good available single women out there. Furthermore, you really can meet a great man or a great woman almost anywhere. I am not kidding, and I am definitely not making this up. Right at this moment, there are thousands of attractive single women and men visiting coffee shops and hardware stores. They’re at tennis courts and yoga classes. They’re at community centers and churches. Right at this moment there are thousands upon thousands of Boomer-aged men and women searching through profiles on online dating sites.
Now, I don’t want to get all New Age and cosmic on you, but if you haven’t had any success finding that special person in your life, perhaps you need to “think different” (as the Apple Computer ads used to say). Stop complaining about the lack of single women and single men out there, and ask yourself this question: “How can I attract my soul mate and get him (or her) into my life?”
Back when I was single and trying to become a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet, one of the best pieces of dating advice I ever got was from a friend named Keith. He had gone through several years of post-divorce, middle-aged dating. He finally got tired of going out with women who either weren’t up to his high standards—or who did meet his high standards but they didn’t seem to like him. Keith told me, “I kept attracting the wrong kind of women. They just weren’t right for me, for a variety of reasons. Then I finally realized that the only common denominator in every one of these less-than-perfect relationships was me.”
That’s when he decided to drop out of the dating world for a while. He spent some time doing things that he wanted to do, and he set out to improve himself—both mentally and physically. He started getting more exercise, and because of that he started to lose weight. He started to expand his mind and joined a local book club. He even got his old guitar out of the closet and found himself a guitar teacher.
In short, Keith made himself a better “catch,” as my mom used to say. He got more actively interested in things that he genuinely enjoyed, and as a result he became a more interesting man. That also made him more confident, more relaxed and happier. He also told me that he was having more fun than he’d had since he was in his 20s.
Here’s the ironic part of the story. Keep in mind that Keith didn’t deliberately do anything to make himself more attractive to the opposite sex. He made changes to his life because he wanted to—for himself. But as a result of his “happiness makeover” he became more attractive to women. And he attracted his perfect woman, because he was finally ready for her. Keith is now a very happily married man.
The moral of the story is this: There really is a Zen to finding love. So if all of your efforts to find “The One” aren’t working for you, take a break from the search. Do a little self-work, and become the person to whom your soul mate will be attracted.
When you are ready and the time is right, you will find each other.
Chad Stone is the author of the critically acclaimed The Love Magnet Rules," which contains 101 tips for meeting, dating and keeping a new love. He shares his own personal brand of dating and relationship advice on his website at www.chadstone.us. In addition to writing and speaking on love, dating, and relationships, Chad Stone owns a successful marketing and public relations business. He lives with his wife in Santa Fe, New Mexico.